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Post by SouthWestern Traders on Jun 20, 2017 23:26:31 GMT
News Anchors International: We've heard rumours that cheese will now be accepted as currency in the Aelven kingdom. What kind of denominations can we expect, and will foreign cheeses be honoured? Eltaor: Will someone please restrict that mans access to wine, he seems to have had quite enough. Cheese as currency, what a preposterous notion! The Umbrian currency is and ever remains wood-based. Foreign woods are theoretically honored, but at an exchange rate that reflects the manifest inferiority of non Aelven wood. Bayardian wood is of cause an abomination as are all thing from that cursed land. News Anchors International: We've heard that if offered wood by dwarves, elves will go berserk. Is this true, or is that limited to Bayard? Also, may I please have some wine? I'm parched.
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Post by ET (Kerberos) on Jun 21, 2017 3:59:31 GMT
Eltaor: Will someone please restrict that mans access to wine, he seems to have had quite enough. Cheese as currency, what a preposterous notion! The Umbrian currency is and ever remains wood-based. Foreign woods are theoretically honored, but at an exchange rate that reflects the manifest inferiority of non Aelven wood. Bayardian wood is of cause an abomination as are all thing from that cursed land. News Anchors International: We've heard that if offered wood by dwarves, elves will go berserk. Is this true, or is that limited to Bayard? Also, may I please have some wine? I'm parched.
Eltaor: Thank you for that question. To be offered wood by a dwarf is of cause an insult that can be clensed only with blood, Bayardian blood to be more specific. And no, you cannot have more wine you've drunk all of it, there is none left in all of Umbria.
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Post by SouthWestern Traders on Jun 23, 2017 20:11:34 GMT
News Anchors International: We've heard that if offered wood by dwarves, elves will go berserk. Is this true, or is that limited to Bayard? Also, may I please have some wine? I'm parched.
Eltaor: Thank you for that question. To be offered wood by a dwarf is of cause an insult that can be clensed only with blood, Bayardian blood to be more specific. And no, you cannot have more wine you've drunk all of it, there is none left in all of Umbria. News Anchors International: What are your thoughts on the recent dwarf-sidhe project to create a never-ending supply of wood using a mechanical boy, fey magic and the boy's wooden nose?
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Post by ET (Kerberos) on Jun 23, 2017 20:26:55 GMT
Eltaor: Thank you for that question. To be offered wood by a dwarf is of cause an insult that can be clensed only with blood, Bayardian blood to be more specific. And no, you cannot have more wine you've drunk all of it, there is none left in all of Umbria. News Anchors International: What are your thoughts on the recent dwarf-sidhe project to create a never-ending supply of wood using a mechanical boy, fey magic and the boy's wooden nose? Eltaor: A marvelous victory for Fey ingenuity and cross species cooperation! The tree right activist are happy to, which is a novel state for them. We don't normally pay much attention to those types, but it will be nice to be rid of the incessant chants of "Wood is murder" and "cellulose lives matter!" They're putting "no trees were hurt in the production of this wood" on the cover.
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James Holt (NT)
Northern Traders
Lord of Waffles, Master of the flight of Daggers
The Iron Bank of Albion
Posts: 366
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Post by James Holt (NT) on Jun 25, 2017 19:03:39 GMT
Penny Pinchers Press: Said mechanical boy being resigned to a state of perpetual agony and dismemberment is considered an acceptable price of progress?
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Post by ET (Kerberos) on Nov 21, 2017 6:52:44 GMT
Penny Pinchers Press: Said mechanical boy being resigned to a state of perpetual agony and dismemberment is considered an acceptable price of progress? Eltaor: It turn out that wooden noses are not sensitive it pain. As previously stated Umbria is rigorously commited to the principles of CG and would never institute this policy if the boy felt pain. Umbrian observer: Except as applies to Bayard and Lothia. Eltaor: Well Lothia no longer exists, but Bayard definetly, the boy however was found wandering the woods in Bernicia.
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Post by SouthWestern Traders on Nov 21, 2017 7:54:21 GMT
News Anchors International: We've heard reports that Umbria is planning on attacking Bayard, and Bayard is complaining about all the negative covfefe he is receiving from mainstream elves, as well as calling Umbrians fat. Do you have any comments on these allegations?
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Post by ET (Kerberos) on Nov 21, 2017 8:28:52 GMT
Eltaor: Elves certainly aren't fat, has he ever seen an elf? As for negative Covfefe I never could understand the Mad Kigns ramblings, but it is the firm policy that anything negative affecting Bayard Covfefe or otherwise is well deserved. As for the Mad Kings Parania concerning Umbrian intentions I can firmly state that Umbria has no intention of invading Bayard, burning the land to the grounds, salting the earth, and boiling every person carrying even a drop of the mad kings blood in tar. That would be entirely against our values, salting the earth damages the environment and we'd never burn forrest.
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Post by SouthWestern Traders on Dec 6, 2017 18:25:33 GMT
News Anchors International: Are international observers safe, even if they carry a drop of the mad king's blood around in a barrel of tar for... reasons?It fetches a good price, okay?
Alternatively, is a defense for a human to be named Forrest?
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Post by ET (Kerberos) on Dec 7, 2017 4:24:14 GMT
News Anchors International: Are international observers safe, even if they carry a drop of the mad king's blood around in a barrel of tar for... reasons?It fetches a good price, okay?
Alternatively, is a defense for a human to be named Forrest? Sadly we do not grant name bases exemption to being murdered, but we strongly encourage international abservers to extract as much blod from the mad king as they possibly can and carry it in any way they desire. Umbria will be happy to provide pointy object to aid in the extractions process and guarenties to safety of the extractors (as soon as they've escaped from Bayard that is.
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Post by Emiel Rex Nagnati on Mar 10, 2018 21:45:43 GMT
A tall Aelven woman with a sever look on her face and a quill furiously writing on a piece of parchment floating over her shoulder steps into the room. "Forgive my tardiness, I've just traveled from Lyceni and the coronation of the new Forest King. Aelthevira for the Kronicle Nagnati Observer Tribune (KNOT) News Service."
"To that end, is there anything Umbria would like to state for the record on the end of the Hibernian Wars, the succession of the new king, and the future of that island with the Terror still at large?"
She sits down, just right of the center isle, waiting expectantly, quill still scribbling furiously on parchment.
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Post by Maelgwyn ap Cadwgan (TOG) on Mar 11, 2018 11:45:05 GMT
Holier Than Thou: "Yes, our readers are quite curious as well as to the Umbrian intent concerning.." The cleric-reporter look at the glassy eyed Ealtor, "I say, are you quite alright?"
(Umbria is no longer completley in the game, so I wonder if someone will pick this up.)
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Post by ET (Kerberos) on Mar 11, 2018 16:24:59 GMT
Holier Than Thou: "Yes, our readers are quite curious as well as to the Umbrian intent concerning.." The cleric-reporter look at the glassy eyed Ealtor, "I say, are you quite alright?" (Umbria is no longer completley in the game, so I wonder if someone will pick this up.) Yes, yes, I was just taking a month or so to think, I'm sure to a mayfly the time you take to ponder how to put your shoes on or how many angels can dance on a pin seem an eternernity as well. OOC: Not nececarilly back but I'm picking up this thread.
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Post by ET (Kerberos) on Mar 11, 2018 16:59:21 GMT
A tall Aelven woman with a sever look on her face and a quill furiously writing on a piece of parchment floating over her shoulder steps into the room. "Forgive my tardiness, I've just traveled from Lyceni and the coronation of the new Forest King. Aelthevira for the Kronicle Nagnati Observer Tribune (KNOT) News Service." "To that end, is there anything Umbria would like to state for the record on the end of the Hibernian Wars, the succession of the new king, and the future of that island with the Terror still at large?" She sits down, just right of the center isle, waiting expectantly, quill still scribbling furiously on parchment. Eltaor: Ah an excellent question, ehm mind the blood, though that is of cause to be expected from an elf. Ah yes, we look forward to working with the new king and will of cause render what assistance we can if asked to rebuild Nagnati and bring the Terror to justice. The old king sadly exemplified the risk of descend into murderous insanity from prolonged contact to humans a bit to well and we hope the new king will not be similarly afflicted for some time. While all elves are of cause chaotic good* the old king placed rather more emphasis on the chaotic than the good and while being chaotic is of cause very Aelven it should preferably not be taken so far as the snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. I don't recall when I last saw such a thorough act of self sabotage that the old kings decision to alienate his allies by mind controlling elves within their border rather than using the spell on the invading goblins. Wessex Express: What about when Queen Ursulla, rest her soul, invited goblins to invade Wessex through her lands and subsequently assassinated an Aliened Noble, resulting in her death at the hand of her own state faith? Eltaor: Well ok, but since then.. Wessex Express: ..Or when King Alden, rest his soul, promptly sought battle with the coalition forces in his land and then when peace seemed to have been reached invaded Gawant and provoked the Mad Kings troops to invade Tir Moreth resulting in his execution? Eltaor: That was impressive as well, but not since... News Anchors International: And what about the credible allegation that the current Duke is involved in piracy which will surely bring doom.. Eltaor: Ok, ok. I don't recall when I've last seen a more thorough act of self-sabotage outside of Nemeth. Do they put something in the water down there? News Anchors International: I wouldn't know, never touch the stuff. * Some terms and limitations may apply, Chaotic Good elves do not currently ship to Bayard, but any Bayardian citizen can enter the Umbrian forest and approach ANY elf to hear about our exiting selection of Bayard specific offer all FREE OF CHARGE!
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Post by Emiel Rex Nagnati on Mar 11, 2018 21:21:46 GMT
Aelthevira sitting stiffly upright her head cocked slightly, the barest touch of a smirk on her lips asks, "There is an unconfirmed rumor that the Terror is known to use mind-control magic himself. Any comments on that?"
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